The Geography of High Standards
How Choosing the Right Environment Unlocks Exceptional Connections
I’ve been seeing posts like this floating around on 𝕏 again lately:
Some of these lists are clearly tongue-in-cheek, while others seem genuinely aspirational. What struck me most was seeing a friend post her own version of this checklist, only to reveal that she was describing her husband. Observing strangers comment, “Good luck finding all that in one person,” was both amusing and revealing. It highlighted a common misconception: the belief that exceptional traits are so rare they might as well be mythical.
The reality is that high standards often seem unattainable not because the traits are inherently scarce, but because most people live in environments where these traits are dispersed and infrequent. Take my own experience: I grew up in a small town in California where everyone followed similar career paths, often sticking to the same roles their parents held. Returning home feels monotonous, as if the youth have simply replaced the older generation without introducing new ambitions or aspirations. It’s a place where settling down with a steady job and starting a family is the norm, leaving little room for the extraordinary.
Contrast this with major cities like Las Vegas, Los Angeles, New York, or London. These hubs are magnets for ambitious, successful individuals, driven by the opportunities and competitive environments that capitalism fosters. Here, excellence breeds excellence. When you place yourself in such settings, you naturally encounter people who embody the traits you admire. It’s not that these traits are more common in the general population, but rather that these cities concentrate individuals who strive for and achieve high standards.
Capitalism plays a crucial role in this dynamic. It incentivizes success and creates ecosystems where high achievers thrive. Silicon Valley attracts tech innovators, New York draws financial moguls, and Las Vegas appeals to entertainers and entrepreneurs. These cities provide the infrastructure, networking opportunities, and cultural environments that support personal and professional growth. As a result, people who are disciplined, self-aware, and driven tend to congregate in these areas, making it easier to find others who share these qualities.
But high standards extend beyond superficial traits like height or income. They reflect an internal alignment and self-discipline that manifests outwardly. Individuals who take care of themselves—maintaining a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and cultivating mental resilience—exude confidence and attractiveness. This internal harmony is mirrored externally, creating a presence that naturally draws like-minded people. When you prioritize self-care and personal growth, you not only improve your own well-being but also become part of a community that values and reflects those investments.
The saying “you are who you spend your time with” holds profound truth in this context. In high-achieving environments, you’re more likely to meet others who share your values and aspirations. These settings foster relationships where excellence is both appreciated and expected. It’s not about chasing an elusive ideal; it’s about creating the right conditions for meaningful connections to flourish. By immersing yourself in environments that celebrate success and discipline, you increase the likelihood of encountering individuals who align with your high standards.
Many people never leave the towns they grew up in, limiting their exposure to diverse and high-caliber individuals. They remain within familiar social circles that may not prioritize the same traits they aspire to find in a partner. This geographic and social limitation reinforces the perception that high-standard individuals are scarce. However, relocating to a city that aligns with your lifestyle and aspirations can significantly increase your chances of meeting people who embody the qualities you seek. It’s not about moving for the sake of moving, but strategically positioning yourself where excellence is the norm.
The challenge isn’t the rarity of desirable traits but the strategic alignment of environment and personal development. High standards are not just lofty aspirations; they are achievable through deliberate actions and choices. By nurturing your inner self and situating yourself in environments that foster excellence, you naturally attract individuals who reflect these qualities. This approach transforms the search for an ideal partner from an overwhelming task into a focused and attainable goal.
Take, for example, the concept of “winning a date with Tad Hamilton.” In a small, unremarkable town, such an encounter feels like winning the lottery—Tad (Josh Duhamel) is basically an alien creature sent from a faraway planet. But in a major city teeming with high-standard individuals, these interactions become part of everyday life. The key takeaway is that high standards aren’t about chasing an elusive dream; they’re about creating the right conditions for those dreams to materialize. By understanding and leveraging the power of environment and personal growth, you can turn high standards from a distant aspiration into a tangible reality.
Ultimately, the pursuit of excellence is both personal and strategic. It requires introspection and self-discipline, but it also demands intentionality in where you invest your time and energy. High standards are not a barrier but a beacon, guiding you toward environments and communities where your ideals are not only attainable but celebrated. Embrace this perspective, and what once seemed like a daunting quest becomes a clear and achievable journey toward meaningful connections and shared success.