25 Comments
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Zw0lF36's avatar

Needed to read this

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stepfanie tyler's avatar

🫶

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Brian Golbere's avatar

Thanks. A nice reminder and helpful context that is helpful for me. You offer a rich vocabulary to help reframe and understand self-authorship and the tension between awareness and connection

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stepfanie tyler's avatar

Thanks Brian, I'm glad to hear my words are resonating with you. I'm always looking for new ways to pursue the self—I find a systems lens to be most helpful, which is why a lot of my work is centered around that interconnectedness. Discovering systems thinking truly shifted my perspective and changed my life—and thereby my worldview—so I can only hope to help a few other people along the way by sharing what I've learned, and continue to learn :)

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Carrie Poppy's avatar

You might want to look into the connectivity theory of autism if systems thinking speaks to you as a daily lens. (Audhd here.)

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Emilia López's avatar

I like you

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stepfanie tyler's avatar

I like you back

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Kyra Brown's avatar

This is my first interaction with your work after a friend shared it with me.

I was honestly compelled to write a comment and say thank you.

Your piece has deeply and completely moved me. Your words have resonated with me so incredibly and it’s as if you’ve described the last 15 years of my life. I’m 30 and this journey you’re describing is what I’ve been experiencing in a devastating way for my true self. It’s broken me and she’s trapped in that cage of fear for a long while. Though now, I have finally come across something that depicts my thought process in a way I haven’t been able to. Usually I’m able to express my thoughts in therapy or in my journal, but when it comes to this specific topic, I’m at a standstill. Words can never express my thoughts properly. I am going to send this to my therapist and tell her this is it. The breakthrough I’ve been dying to have.

Your creative outlet idea is also incredibly accurate (Along with every other word that just simply blew me away while reading). I’ve moved across the world to be free of the fear you’ve described, and now more than ever I feel this sense of safety to express myself in ways I never thought were possible. So you’re on the money there.

So, an immense thank you. This made me sit up in my chair, it made tears stream down my face (especially the very last paragraph, that was the most validating and honestly painful thing to read, that I have been doing myself and those who are begging to “handle” my unfiltered complexity a disservice by not being true), and it has provided me with the validation I have been searching for (even if, as you say, that validation of course comes from within - I guess you have just helped me finally realise that).

I’m so excited to read more of your work & will be with your substack for life. Ever thought of getting into therapy? Let me know if so 😂

Thanks for reading my comment and letting me indulge in myself freely x

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liela's avatar

Being disliked is the price of authenticity 👌🏾

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Rk's avatar

I don’t agree. Being yourself means someone likes you and not a well curated version of you. Being yourself doesn’t mean you are not likable.

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liela's avatar

While being yourself hopefully calls in the people who do like you. It also requires you to relinquish the fear of being disliked. Both can be true.

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stepfanie tyler's avatar

I'm not saying no one likes you. But being liked by everyone means you're not being fully yourself, as being liked by everyone is impossible.

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Carrie Poppy's avatar

AI, what historical figures faced persecution? Can I compare myself to them? Is that comparison fair? AI, can you now prove me wrong? What’s a good counter argument? How would I know if I started with assumptions?

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stepfanie tyler's avatar

someone should check on this Carrie person, i don’t think she’s ok

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Carrie Poppy's avatar

"Someone," like a computer?

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Matt Allan Degra's avatar

“the misunderstanding is just weather.” 🤌🤌

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Brie-Anna Willey's avatar

I have no words. This post is amazing! I restacked different parts of this post but all of it resonated. Thank you so much!

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Reyna's avatar

Beautifully written :) Thank you for this

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Astar215's avatar

This healed something in me ❤️

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hurricaneduane's avatar

Stepf, you are brilliant! Thank you for this.

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Emmanuella's avatar

This is a breath of fresh air. Thank you

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Juju's avatar

I had tears in my eyes! This is a topic that is deeply resonating with me currently. A moment of bliss and alignment. Thank you!

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The Alteration's avatar

This feels like a breath of air as I needed it, thank you.

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Jess's avatar

This is everything I needed to read today. Thank you for sharing your heart and thoughts!

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Adel's avatar

Beautiful

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