Before 4th grade I suffered dyslexia that made reading impossible, letters and numbers shifting and spinning and flipping and I remember that I had too memorize each letter and number, each in many transformations, and at 9 or 10 years old I would go climb a tree instead. Marital problems and many siblings and dogs and cats distracted my mother too much to detect and if so, to understand my problem. Why did my teachers not figure something was wrong? Don't know, but one day at the end of summer before 5th grade God Graced me with extra signal processing abilities, and suddenly I could think clearly, and it seemed better than my peers.
I fell in love with rational thought, and with science because it was something interesting, I could think-about. That rational increase was like the best Christmas Gift I never expected or could have imagined in my befuddled past - don't imagine I do not have the greatest sympathy for the stupid and slow people, There I am, a version of me that God never Graced with such a gift. There, but by the Grace of God - am I.
Am I Proud that I have a gift?
Don't be retarded, I am proud when I do amazing things with the gift, but God is to be praised for the Gift, I can be praised a tiny bit when I use it to Serve God, Church, Man, and Creation well.
Models - you ask?
I doubt I will ever again See reality raw, You and You and You are Made in the Image of God, and God must be Infinite levels and spreads of Models, including you, Model3[N], .. by the way Model3[N] .. the Models of your personality and body are slim-to-blank.
Perhaps someday we can Fill It out a bit.
.. Am I still a 'drop you pants' flirter?
After a few years we lived in our farm house I started to notice some stamps were very pretty. It was weird because I had laughed at such a silly hobby but for some reason the colors were more livid on the stamps. Over a month or two I started to have no energy .. after a while I went to my doctor and blood work showed my Testosterone was very low, so was given a script for injectable oil-base and pretty large gauge needle .. and giving yourself that first shot was not as frighting as jumping out of a plane with parashoot, but not easy, either.
When the T kicked-in my internal being jumped back to HS Pressence .. like a HUD that reports distances through grid-line and I knew I could throw a large rock away from me and hit it with another smaller rock more frequently then seemed possible .. I had to retrain somethings.
If I had not gone through puberty before, I would have been blown-away with all the Robotic-like hyper-rational experience of the world and my resources. I would shift my eyes and objects that could be used as weapons would kind-of shine all around the edge, and all kinds of information was in my front-mind ,, and you know what - I was comfortable and confident with it all because I remembered that happened a few times when I was near a combat situation, last time two men - both bigger than me release my dog that I tide near the entrance to the mini-mart and I knew they wanted the dog to run out on the road, main street, and be hit by a car.
.. yea, they were looking for some fun and I yelled and walked up to them by road at bus stop and gave them verbal violence and watched them transform from "we two and each bigger" to "oh, shit! He is going make us bleed." and a kind of movie of what the very soon future could be - me shoving the one into road in front that car and in some motion punching the other throat, and I wanted too, really wanted to be the motion I could See, but held back by a string but hoping either of them would stop sending submission signals.
Well, I didn't kill them, and so my Bucket-List item I added when I was a late teen and could not avoid a fight in a parking lot, and became violence and beat him with the cars around me, and I heard a woman's voice (Holy Mary, or perhaps my future Conformation Saint, Joan od Arc) said "3 more times is Eternity" and I snapped back to find I was beating his head against a car and kind of counting. The only actual voice I ever heard, that and a women's voice - it was so strange that it broke the Violence-Orgasm I fall into. 3 more head slams and I would have been beating a corpse. Praise God, Thank you again Mary, I am not now still Burning for a killing.
So, I created that Goal, .. some people have goals like visit Niagra Falls. Well I guess I'm a little different.
Praise God, and by His Grace I will die before killing anyone.
Yes! Creating The observer has been the key to serenity and a more stable center. Also, that observer better be kind with the thoughts that arise, they're not us but they serve the greater purpose.
Exceptional writing. Great insight. Change your thinking, change your life.......much easier said than done.
You raise a number of excellent and very important points. How to become self aware of our thought patterns and how we can change them is something that should be taught to kids entering junior high school.
enjoyed this one a lot 🙂
oooh ty ty—hope you’re enjoying the weekend 🌊
Before 4th grade I suffered dyslexia that made reading impossible, letters and numbers shifting and spinning and flipping and I remember that I had too memorize each letter and number, each in many transformations, and at 9 or 10 years old I would go climb a tree instead. Marital problems and many siblings and dogs and cats distracted my mother too much to detect and if so, to understand my problem. Why did my teachers not figure something was wrong? Don't know, but one day at the end of summer before 5th grade God Graced me with extra signal processing abilities, and suddenly I could think clearly, and it seemed better than my peers.
I fell in love with rational thought, and with science because it was something interesting, I could think-about. That rational increase was like the best Christmas Gift I never expected or could have imagined in my befuddled past - don't imagine I do not have the greatest sympathy for the stupid and slow people, There I am, a version of me that God never Graced with such a gift. There, but by the Grace of God - am I.
Am I Proud that I have a gift?
Don't be retarded, I am proud when I do amazing things with the gift, but God is to be praised for the Gift, I can be praised a tiny bit when I use it to Serve God, Church, Man, and Creation well.
Models - you ask?
I doubt I will ever again See reality raw, You and You and You are Made in the Image of God, and God must be Infinite levels and spreads of Models, including you, Model3[N], .. by the way Model3[N] .. the Models of your personality and body are slim-to-blank.
Perhaps someday we can Fill It out a bit.
.. Am I still a 'drop you pants' flirter?
After a few years we lived in our farm house I started to notice some stamps were very pretty. It was weird because I had laughed at such a silly hobby but for some reason the colors were more livid on the stamps. Over a month or two I started to have no energy .. after a while I went to my doctor and blood work showed my Testosterone was very low, so was given a script for injectable oil-base and pretty large gauge needle .. and giving yourself that first shot was not as frighting as jumping out of a plane with parashoot, but not easy, either.
When the T kicked-in my internal being jumped back to HS Pressence .. like a HUD that reports distances through grid-line and I knew I could throw a large rock away from me and hit it with another smaller rock more frequently then seemed possible .. I had to retrain somethings.
If I had not gone through puberty before, I would have been blown-away with all the Robotic-like hyper-rational experience of the world and my resources. I would shift my eyes and objects that could be used as weapons would kind-of shine all around the edge, and all kinds of information was in my front-mind ,, and you know what - I was comfortable and confident with it all because I remembered that happened a few times when I was near a combat situation, last time two men - both bigger than me release my dog that I tide near the entrance to the mini-mart and I knew they wanted the dog to run out on the road, main street, and be hit by a car.
.. yea, they were looking for some fun and I yelled and walked up to them by road at bus stop and gave them verbal violence and watched them transform from "we two and each bigger" to "oh, shit! He is going make us bleed." and a kind of movie of what the very soon future could be - me shoving the one into road in front that car and in some motion punching the other throat, and I wanted too, really wanted to be the motion I could See, but held back by a string but hoping either of them would stop sending submission signals.
Well, I didn't kill them, and so my Bucket-List item I added when I was a late teen and could not avoid a fight in a parking lot, and became violence and beat him with the cars around me, and I heard a woman's voice (Holy Mary, or perhaps my future Conformation Saint, Joan od Arc) said "3 more times is Eternity" and I snapped back to find I was beating his head against a car and kind of counting. The only actual voice I ever heard, that and a women's voice - it was so strange that it broke the Violence-Orgasm I fall into. 3 more head slams and I would have been beating a corpse. Praise God, Thank you again Mary, I am not now still Burning for a killing.
So, I created that Goal, .. some people have goals like visit Niagra Falls. Well I guess I'm a little different.
Praise God, and by His Grace I will die before killing anyone.
God Bless., Steve
Yes! Creating The observer has been the key to serenity and a more stable center. Also, that observer better be kind with the thoughts that arise, they're not us but they serve the greater purpose.
So valuable … I feel challenged to be more intentional in my thoughts and responses, even the ones that no one else will ever see or know
Exceptional writing. Great insight. Change your thinking, change your life.......much easier said than done.
You raise a number of excellent and very important points. How to become self aware of our thought patterns and how we can change them is something that should be taught to kids entering junior high school.