I used to love Instagram! It’s where I first found the courage to authentically express myself and write online. I built a community around my writing, and IG helped me have a successful first course launch.
But over the years, things changed. My engagement went down and I blamed myself because I outsourced my self-worth to the number of likes or comments. I started frantically wondering what would “do well” rather than what feels most true and authentic to write about.
I longed for the Instagram of old, and I was emotionally attached to what the platform used to be that it took years to see what it had become - and be honest about the toxic relationship I’d developed with it, and by extension, myself.
Everything snapped when a girl who followed me realized I thought differently than she did about an Important Social Issue. She went on a rampage and left me negative book reviews, defaming my character.
I was already on the verge of burnout, but something snapped, and I logged off for a few years to focus on my health.
I’ve done a lot of inner work to separate my sense of self worth from the amount of engagement I get, or even the sales I make.
I still post occasionally on Instagram, but it’s mostly repurposed things from my blog.
I do feel that writing and helping women identify their true soul gifts through an online business is my purpose, but I’ve realized the effort to maximize likes on social media actually detracts from that bc it waters down my true message.
It’s hard to see people going viral or building big audiences for their ideas when my growth sometimes seems to have stalled. It’s easy to think if I just rearranged my words in a certain way, then I’d get more likes.
But realizing purpose and releasing our true creative work requires a willingness to quiet the noise, get validation from within and stop performing for an algorithm - instead releasing the gifts that are actually inside of us.
It’s been a powerful personal growth opportunity. That book just to say - I really resonated with this post! Maybe I need to write my own :)
OH YES! I feel this in my bones. It's every bit of what I experienced myself, too. I know you'll be okay and thrive through this simply bc of what you said in this comment—you took the time to do the inner work and you were aware enough to know what was happening, and you pulled yourself out of those negative feedback loops. (Congrats on doing that, by the way, that's not easy and most people never make it out!)
Something I realized when I left Instagram and then eventually ended up on different social apps—including Substack, recently—is the more authentic I let myself be, the more people actually resonated with my work. My account has grown fastest since I stopped performing and just let myself be me. It sounds cliche, but it really happened.
I used to obsess over metrics and now I only check in every once in a while—more as a check-in to celebrate small wins, and less about "let me tailor myself to fit XY or Z goals" (I do love data in its own regard so it's hard to stay completely away from that aspect lol)
You should definitely write your own post about this! I think people need to understand how taxing and toxic that lifestyle really is—it's good to hear it from a first-person account too... influencers make it look easy and that couldn't be further from the truth.
after reading this I think, "all the world's a stage" has turned into all the worlds a billion stages. it's the changing voltages that burns us out. spectating, performing.. vicariously the cheap seats have become the stage...
I keep wondering, how can we maintain a social media presence without getting dragged by the algorithms that are addictive by design. Even the more grounded can feel the dopamine pull, checking to see how many people watched or reacted.
How do we strike a balance ?
Is it about relying or text based platforms like substack which feels a little bit slower ?
Or does it come down to setting personal boundaries , like only log in on certain days , or build in periods of disconnection ?
Specially, when building an online personal brand this could be tricky. Is it ultimate authenticity online what will enable us not to feel like performing ?
Honestly, what makes it harder is how social media seeps into every part of your life. Unlike the corporate world — where people are also performing, but in a more compartmentalized way (just look at the CEO of Astronomer) — being online often feels much messier. A guide like this ought to be provided upon joining any social media platform.
I used to love Instagram! It’s where I first found the courage to authentically express myself and write online. I built a community around my writing, and IG helped me have a successful first course launch.
But over the years, things changed. My engagement went down and I blamed myself because I outsourced my self-worth to the number of likes or comments. I started frantically wondering what would “do well” rather than what feels most true and authentic to write about.
I longed for the Instagram of old, and I was emotionally attached to what the platform used to be that it took years to see what it had become - and be honest about the toxic relationship I’d developed with it, and by extension, myself.
Everything snapped when a girl who followed me realized I thought differently than she did about an Important Social Issue. She went on a rampage and left me negative book reviews, defaming my character.
I was already on the verge of burnout, but something snapped, and I logged off for a few years to focus on my health.
I’ve done a lot of inner work to separate my sense of self worth from the amount of engagement I get, or even the sales I make.
I still post occasionally on Instagram, but it’s mostly repurposed things from my blog.
I do feel that writing and helping women identify their true soul gifts through an online business is my purpose, but I’ve realized the effort to maximize likes on social media actually detracts from that bc it waters down my true message.
It’s hard to see people going viral or building big audiences for their ideas when my growth sometimes seems to have stalled. It’s easy to think if I just rearranged my words in a certain way, then I’d get more likes.
But realizing purpose and releasing our true creative work requires a willingness to quiet the noise, get validation from within and stop performing for an algorithm - instead releasing the gifts that are actually inside of us.
It’s been a powerful personal growth opportunity. That book just to say - I really resonated with this post! Maybe I need to write my own :)
OH YES! I feel this in my bones. It's every bit of what I experienced myself, too. I know you'll be okay and thrive through this simply bc of what you said in this comment—you took the time to do the inner work and you were aware enough to know what was happening, and you pulled yourself out of those negative feedback loops. (Congrats on doing that, by the way, that's not easy and most people never make it out!)
Something I realized when I left Instagram and then eventually ended up on different social apps—including Substack, recently—is the more authentic I let myself be, the more people actually resonated with my work. My account has grown fastest since I stopped performing and just let myself be me. It sounds cliche, but it really happened.
I used to obsess over metrics and now I only check in every once in a while—more as a check-in to celebrate small wins, and less about "let me tailor myself to fit XY or Z goals" (I do love data in its own regard so it's hard to stay completely away from that aspect lol)
You should definitely write your own post about this! I think people need to understand how taxing and toxic that lifestyle really is—it's good to hear it from a first-person account too... influencers make it look easy and that couldn't be further from the truth.
Glad you found your way out! :)
I look forward to reading everything you have to say. Thank you so much for this 🩷
That is too kind. Thank you so much, I appreciate you :)
after reading this I think, "all the world's a stage" has turned into all the worlds a billion stages. it's the changing voltages that burns us out. spectating, performing.. vicariously the cheap seats have become the stage...
wow and thank you!
Great piece Stepf. It really got me thinking.
I keep wondering, how can we maintain a social media presence without getting dragged by the algorithms that are addictive by design. Even the more grounded can feel the dopamine pull, checking to see how many people watched or reacted.
How do we strike a balance ?
Is it about relying or text based platforms like substack which feels a little bit slower ?
Or does it come down to setting personal boundaries , like only log in on certain days , or build in periods of disconnection ?
Specially, when building an online personal brand this could be tricky. Is it ultimate authenticity online what will enable us not to feel like performing ?
Honestly, what makes it harder is how social media seeps into every part of your life. Unlike the corporate world — where people are also performing, but in a more compartmentalized way (just look at the CEO of Astronomer) — being online often feels much messier. A guide like this ought to be provided upon joining any social media platform.